Yes, it's true. The blog is back, and I picked a friday to roll it all back out on y'all. Friday is really the best day to begin anew on my blog, considering I'm usually pretty quick to give up on the NY Times crossword on a friday.
Anyway, so much has happened since my last post, I don't know where to begin! Well, let's begin with what hasn't happened since my post - a Timberwolves win. Right now, Channel 45, home of must-see reruns such as "The King of Queens" and pulse-pounding movies like "The Abyss" has taken to showing a COMMERCIAL-FREE HALFTIME during all Wolves games.
For those of you who, like me, have difficulty grasping the nuances of television programming, remember that YOU are the product being sold to advertisers. But Channel 45 is so worried that you might start watching something else during halftime that they just can't run ads. Not only that, but I don't think you can charge money for ads that cater to the 4 people watching the game on TV. I mean, I'm sure Ford is thinking, "man, if we could only get that dude in an overpriced basement apartment near the Wedge to buy a truck...but WHAT DOES HE WATCH ON TEEVEE???"
So apparently the big news today is not about the primaries last night. No, no. The BIG news is that Britney Spears is crazy. I know! I couldn't believe it either! And apparently, being crazy isn't good for your kids. That's news you can use!
But the partially good news last night was on the political front, where Barack smote his opponents. Edwards seems destined to be perpetual VP candidate, while Clinton's campaign reminds me of a vintage year for Al Gore: 2000. No message, just more politics as usual. Thanks, but I'll pass.
The other team is looking weak, and I can't decide which of the front-runners to cheer for. On the one hand you've got "Oven" Mitt Romney: worth a quarter of a billion dollars, was in charge of the 2002 Winter games in Salt Lake (which were dogged by bribery charges), he's Mormon, and dislikes eggplant. Classic big-business guy. On the other hand, there's Huckabee, who is emerging as the God candidate. So it's God v. business, and I can't decide which I'd rather have in government!
Then you've got your also-rans: Fred Thompson (who recently admitted that he's not really that interested in the position, but is "willing to do the job if the public decides they need him" - how noble!), Rudy (uhhh, 4 percent? really? Do Iowans have no respect for 9/11?? RUDY WAS THERE, DAMMIT), and McCain (I think he's intentionally doing poorly because he loves being the underdog).
And then you've got the Dark Horse, the man crazy enough to think that people care about balanced budgets and reducing government. I'm jes' talkin' 'bout Ron Paul, that's what. Sure, some of what he wants is pretty crazy, but after 8 years of BushRoveCheney Executive Branch Expansion, well, I gotta say I'm drawn to it. I really never want another President (Republican or Democrat) to overstep bounds like the current administration has, and I think at the very least Paul would put some safeguards in place.
So I was talking to a co-worker (a Republican) about the primaries, and she was like "well, I took some online test and it said I was closest to Huckabee, so I guess I'm for him". Naturally I work the Ron Paul angle, but I'm also trying a word association experiment. I start off with the usual and quickly ramp it up - Ron will bring the troops home, cut spending, balance the budget, eliminate the IRS and abolish income taxes, get out of the UN and WTO, eliminate entire government departments, not let the government interfere with anything, let markets decide everything, etc. And the person I'm talking to gets psyched about Ron Paul, because these are all things that she wants the Republicans to do, right? And then I drop the bomb:
"Yeah, I guess he's as much Republican as he is a libertarian, huh"
"Oh, he's a libertarian? No way I'm voting for him!"
I just want to see Paul mixed in with the rest of these guys, that's all. I don't want to listen to Republicans bicker for the next 11 months about who's the most badass on topics like abortion, gun control, immigration, and 9/11.
Also, props to DaniB for writing me an email complaining about my lack of posts. The ball is in your court now, so I expect a crazy China story soon!