It's weird how life puts you through different cycles constantly. And that these cycles can exist on so many different levels - long-term (interests, goals and aspirations), medium term (job, reading list, current hobbies), and even short term (I'm having Subway for lunch AGAIN?!?), they're everywhere. I'd love to spend more time identifying such things, but alas, I haven't the time nor long-term desire. Anyway, I think I'm getting out of one cycle right now, as I blog! We can call it 'liveblogging an emergence' or something like that. I thought of writing about this when, looking back at my blog, basketball appears to be all-consuming, and for good reason - I love basketball!
But my love for basketball truly shines when I need a diversion. Yes, I love the game - playing it, watching it, discussing it, etc. But sometimes I just get tired of thinking about things that aren't related to basketball - how much money I have, my job, my friends, my living situation, what new mess has been made in the kitchen since I've been away, and most importantly, the human-interest-on-a-global-scale topics that I, for whatever reason, hold near and dear to my heart. Reading and thinking about such things constantly can lead to frequent bouts of both extreme optimism and extreme sadness. So, like with anything I love, my interests and I just needed to spend some time apart (distance makes the heart grow fond), which is why I haven't really written (or read) anything on the "important" topics for some time now.
But I'm fairly certain a new cycle is coming back in full swing. My current lifecycle has been broken for several months and will be dealt with accordingly. Well, maybe broken is a strong word...but there's definitely some tinkering to be done. My tinkering will definitely include an increase in my political/tech/econ/cultural/biz reading (which feels surprisingly refreshing, yet still sorta like hooking up with the ex), which tends to lead to more bloggy goodness. I still love learning about the world around me and I'm always trying to find my own niche on this planet. And I honestly feel as recharged and energized as I have ever felt.
But it's really easy to get caught up in your own routine and not think about anything beyond your own interests. And I'm certainly capable of doing it - obviously that's not a good thing. But sometimes it is good to be comfortable doing something for an extended period of time. I consider it like stopping to catch your breath - but I think I've been stopped for too long. The truth is I'm just not that good at always looking out for myself. Hell, before I started at ZR (over 4 years ago), I was unemployed and completely miserable. Not just 'can't-find-a-job' miserable, but a 'lowest-of-lows' miserable. And the fear of this happening again has forced me to cling to my "just barely good enough" job - it allows me to slowly pay off debts, join a gym, grocery shop for more than just ramen, take a vacation to the Pacific Northwest (unpaid), and other things I would never even think of doing if I were working at, say, a liquor store.
But that fine line between boredom and holding-myself-to-a-higher-standard is going to force me to do something drastic soon. At first, it's going to involve revamping my resume and applying for jobs that I'll probably never get. You know, like the ones in the middle of The Economist that advertise for cabinet-level positions within governments (Swaziland has a Minister of Prune Juice?). I think I'd be good at that. Then I'll settle down and aim a bit more realistically...but a change will be made.
I'll definitely be living somewhere else, which will be good.
Maybe I'll take out a loan and try to start a business.
Maybe I'll buy a plane ticket and go somewhere crazy and write my next blog from that location, then return and say nothing about it.
Maybe I'll become just like my friends and actually finish school.
I'll definitely try to quit smoking again, even after my fiasco with those throat lozenges which sent me to the doctor.
Final note: This is exactly the sort of post I swore I wouldn't write when I first started this blog. Overly emotional, introspective, not proofread, etc. But fuck it, I've had this blog for three years - I'm allowed *one* livejournal-type post, right?
Final final note: mad props to Nate for getting me aforementioned jobs, especially the most recent - for that move, he's playa #1 on the ClutchMoney AllStars. I'm working on that software, buddy ;)