Wednesday, March 09, 2005

Join the Republic of Cascadia!

If anyone is interested in moving out west and joining the nation of Cascadia, you should give me a call. Personally, I can't wait to start training for the Sasquatch Militia:
Your extensive combat training will include:
Learn to use your feet to squash your foe or his equipment. A basic skill needed by all Sasquatch Militia stomptroopers.
Boulder Throwing
Take out the enemy safely from the top of cliffs. Boulder troops are the first line of defense of the Sasquatch Militia and we'll teach you how to become one.
Log Swinging
Close combat against a number of foes? They'll be no match for the blunt force of a swinging log. Learn how to choose and uproot dead trees, and proper swinging techniques to avoid back injuries.
Pulling your enemy's limbs from their sockets may sound cruel, but they would do it to you with no hesitation if they had your might. Learn the best way to do it quickly and efficiently for a minimal amount of suffering.
Salmon Wielding
The salmon: tasty as a snack but, when in trained Sasquatch hands, deadly as a weapon. Salmon wielders are the silent assassins of Cascadia - waiting, hidden along trails, to take out enemies swiftly and silently.

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